Shower Talk
by twoandtwo
Summary: Lois has no concept of personal space and gets more than she bargained for as a result.


Clark was in the middle of a shower when, once again, Lois Lane burst into the bathroom with no regard for his state of undress. It was barely a month into her stay at the farm and she had really taken the 'make yourself at home' saying to heart.

He heard her hop up on the counter and start fiddling with something.

"Lana came here and no offense to your girlfriend, but I'm not in the mood to talk to Miss Peppy right now, so I'm just gonna stay in here until she's gone. That okay with you? Of course it is," she said, not waiting for an answer

"She's not my girlfriend and you know I'm not okay with this."

Clark sighed, knowing she wasn't going to leave now she was here. Rinsing off the last of the soap he missed when Lois barged in, he poured some shampoo into his hand.

"Why don't you just go out to the barn or into town if you don't want to see her?"

"Because Chloe's with her and I'd never make it past her. I could try, but she'd catch me and then I'd be in the doghouse. And being in the doghouse with Chloe's worse than getting on the wrong side of the General. All in all, it's much more convenient to wait in here until they go away."

"Lo-is," he complained, "you can't keep coming in here when I'm showering, haven't you heard of a little thing called privacy?"

"Smallville, if you're worrying about your modesty, don't. I've seen it all. There's nothing about you that could shock me."

"Wanna bet?" Clark muttered while he scrubbed his head. He'd never wanted to use his abilities to shut someone up more than he did with Lois. One of her talents in life must be the ability to effortlessly get under Clark Kent's skin. She frustrated him to no end until he was desperate to do anything to one-up her. A far too satisfying image of him kissing her neck and leaving her gaping and speechless appeared in his head and he gasped at the salience of the thought.

"Smallville? You alright in there? What are you – _oh my God_ _you pervert!_ I'm still in here! I swear if you're doing what I think you're doing you won't have anything left to be modest about when I'm through with you," she threatened.

She was whispering to keep Lana and Chloe from hearing her but that only made the warning more intimidating.

"What?! No! I'd never do that."

He was glad she couldn't see him blushing, and thanked whatever higher power was up there that she couldn't read minds and know he hadn't been thinking about Lana. It was incredibly unfair that Lois could walk into his life and leave him so off balance in a manner of minutes. He didn't even _like_ her most of the time, why did she hold such power over him?

"Yeah, you're right, what was I thinking? You probably want to keep all thoughts of you and Lana in your Barbie dream house all to yourself," she grumbled under her breath.

Not sure if he was supposed to be able to hear her without super hearing or not, Clark wisely decided to say nothing and rinse out his hair.

A knock at the door and a mumbled 'shit' was all the warning he had before Lois was pulling open the shower curtain, hopping in and closing it again. She was wearing his favorite red and gold plaid shirt. And nothing else.

"Lois, what are you doing?" he whispered furiously.

"I forgot to lock the door when I came in, she might come in too and the last thing you want is for the girl you like to catch another girl in the bathroom while you're naked," she said by way of an explanation.

"Not everyone goes into their friend's bathroom when they are _showering._"

"Aren't you going to say hi?" Lois asked when Lana, who must have come upstairs sometime during their hushed tété-a-tété, asked if anyone was in the bathroom.

Clark stared Lois down, who glared right back at him. He didn't like it, but she was right that he should say something. In one fluid motion, he spun her around, facing her away from him and covering her mouth with his hand before calling out.

"Uh, hi? When did you get here Lana?"

He mentally cursed when she opened the bathroom door to hear him better.

"Clark, did you forget that Chloe and I were coming over so you could help us plan the fundraising booth for the Corn Festival?"

Lois started snickering under his hand when she mentioned the Corn Festival so he covered her mouth more tightly and pulled her flush against his chest with his other arm.

"But we're doing that at two, it's only noon."

"I hate to break it to you, but it's two thirty already."

Since Lana didn't know that Lois was now trying to bite his hand off, she took his exclamation of surprise as a response to the time.

"I know, you probably were busy and lost track of time. Is it okay if we start working downstairs? You can join us when you're ready."

"Thanks, I'll be down in a bit."

Clark heard the door close and sighed in relief. He'd never hear the end of it if they found out Lois was with him. It was then that he noticed the troublemaker in question had stopped struggling in his arms and a mental review of the situation told him why.

_No, this cannot be happening, I am not getting hard because of Lois Lane_.

Panicking, he let her go at once and she whirled around to face him. To his surprise she was a little flushed and the thought that he had finally embarrassed her instead of the other way around made him confident in spite of the situation.

She opened her mouth to yell at him and regain control of the situation but he covered her mouth with his hand again. Clark brought a finger to his lips, signaling her to be quiet. Lois looked like she was going to kill him but she nodded.

"What the hell was that?" she demanded. "You can't have a conversation with the Barbie without Clark Jr. getting involved? And with me _right there_?"

"Can we not call it 'Clark Jr.'? And it's not like I meant for it to happen, it's not always something I can control."

"You should have tried harder, I didn't come in here to deal with you and your inability to control your dick at the first sound that comes out of Miss Perfect's mouth."

"I wasn't thinking about Lana."

The words were out before he could stop them. Clark hadn't meant to say that but she had him so frustrated that he was grasping at straws to keep up with her.

"Really?" Lois asked in her best skeptical voice. "So who were you thinking of?"

"No one," he said, short burst of confidence gone.

"Yeah right, she's all you can think about even when she's not in the room."

"I wasn't thinking about her cause I was a little preoccupied with someone else who _is_ in the room," he hissed.

As realization replaced her initial confusion, Lois didn't automatically yell like he expected. Instead she started blushing an attractive rosy color.

Then she started yelling.

"Are you saying this is my fault? You can't control yourself and I'm suddenly to blame?"

"I wasn't the one who came into the bathroom when you were showering, got in with you wearing only a shirt and started _wiggling_."

* * *

"Do you think they know we know they're both in there?" Lana asked Chloe after closing the bathroom door.

"No, they're probably too wrapped up in fighting with each other to notice. Just like they're so into bantering that they can't see they're actually flirting. Come on, let's get downstairs, it might take them a while to come down," Chloe giggled.

"I guess I owe you twenty bucks. I never expected she'd actually get in the shower with him," Lana marveled.

"You were at a disadvantage. You don't know my cousin like I do. If I thought watching him pine over you was bad this is going to be ten times worse. At least he knew he liked you, he doesn't have a clue he likes Lois yet and my emotionally stunted cousin's going to fight him every step of the way."

"She thinks he's still in love with me, but every time we talk it's 'Lois this' and 'Lois that.' Well this time we have each other to complain to about how oblivious they are about each other. It's a shame they can't see how perfect they are together, I've never seen him look happier," Lana said wistfully.

"You're not rethinking your feelings about him are you?" Chloe asked.

"Don't worry, I'm over him. But seeing him with her reminds me why I did love him. I'm just glad he's found someone too."

"Now we've just got to get them to realize that."

"NEXT TIME DON'T SHOWER NAKED AND YOU WON'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM YOU PERVERT," Lois shouted from upstairs, slamming several doors to further her point.

"I've got a feeling that's going to be much easier said than done," Lana said.

"Not with the two of us working as matchmakers. They'll get there even if I have to push their heads together and force them to kiss," Chloe promised.


End file.
